Beetle

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

Have you ever found yourself muttering, "Life's not fair"? I bet you have. It's a sentiment that has crossed all of our minds at least once. But the real question is, "Do you give up?" Hold on a minute, don't misunderstand me—I'm not here to discuss motivational topics. You know me, I'm not that kind of person, well, not that intellectually astute individual. I tend to sprinkle "LOL" into conversations, whether it's fitting or not. So, LOL.

Lately, life has thrown a lot at me. There have been countless moments where I've felt like throwing in the towel. Things haven't been running smoothly for quite some time now, and I've given up on many people. That's true—I'm the type of person who knows when to call it quits. I believe that recognizing when to quit is a smart approach to dealing with life's challenges. But don't get me wrong, I never give up without putting up a fight.

A couple of months ago, against the advice of loved ones who cautioned against it, I adopted a dog from someone. He's an incredibly lovable pet. I've grown so fond of him that despite the mistakes I've made as a pet owner, I want to keep him forever. I named him "Beetle."

I adore him, but unlike my previous pets, Beetle has many bad habits. I discovered that his previous owner never provided any kind of discipline. They simply let him do as he pleased. He refuses to eat in the morning and prefers sleeping during the day instead of at night. He makes noise throughout the night but snoozes away during the day. What a peculiar dog. When I take him for a walk, he leaves me stranded in a crowd and constantly worries me. I've tried teaching him, but he never seems to listen. I've given him everything he needs—food, a chewing bone, a special couch—everything I could think of that he might require. I've cared for him as if he were my own child. Wherever I go, I keep an eye out for things I think he'd enjoy. And I never hesitate to spend money on him.

However, I need to change all his bad behavior. I love him just the way he is, but that doesn't mean I should let him remain unchanged. His behavior could annoy people, and they might end up disliking him, and by extension, me. I've tried training him extensively. I've read books, watched YouTube videos, and read countless articles on how to train dogs. I've used every method I could gather. Many things have improved, so I haven't been a complete failure. But he continues to make the same mistakes again and again, despite my efforts. It's been almost three months, and I find myself dealing with the same issues repeatedly.

So, I think to myself, I love him, but if he continues to engage in behaviors like peeing under the bed or chewing my pillow, it will hurt me and make me angry as long as he's with me. This makes me feel like giving up on him. However, when I consider giving him up, I have no idea what the next owner might do to him given these unchangeable behaviors. They might end up causing him harm. Yet, the fact that he's shown even a slight amount of improvement gives me a glimmer of hope. Every morning, I wake up pondering whether I should give up or give it another shot. I've reached a point where I don't know when to quit because of my love for this dog.

So, there are moments when you might believe you're investing time in something that appears impossible. I'm not saying "don't give up," but rather, when hope seems fleeting, go for it even if you genuinely think you'll eventually surrender. The outcome may not always align with your initial hopes, but you can take solace in knowing that you made the effort. Ultimately, love is the only thing that truly matters.

The Waiting

                                                                                                                    7/7/17
                                                                                                                    Time: 1932
                                                                                                                    Place: Aizawl

It was a rainy and overcast Saturday in July, the clocks chiming eighteen. With a steaming cup of black coffee in hand, I gazed at the clouds, unaware that this evening would become one of the most pivotal moments of my life. I found myself at my aunt's house for dinner, the rain drizzling outside. I lingered, waiting for it to subside as I needed to ride my motorcycle back home. Along the way, I had plans to visit a friend.

As the rain intensified and the clouds grew angrier, it seemed as though nature conspired against my plans. Feeling the need to appease the elements, I hastily started the engine and embarked on my journey. However, the rain soon became so heavy that I was forced to take shelter momentarily. By the time I reached my destination, I was drenched—literally soaked to the bone. 😊 I found myself unsure of the exact location of my friend's house, prompting me to call him. To my relief, his sister answered and informed me that she was already en route to pick me up.

In the dimness cast by the streetlights, I discerned a figure about 50 yards away. As she drew nearer, her silhouette revealed a woman, standing at about 5 foot 5, her long reddish-brown hair catching the faint illumination. "Is that her?" I wondered aloud. As she approached, the streetlights accentuated her features, momentarily rendering me speechless. In that instant, the true essence of "stunning" dawned upon me, leaving me momentarily spellbound. My heart seemed to skip a beat as if suspended in time, my consciousness momentarily adrift. When awareness returned, I found myself gaping at her, my mouth agape in disbelief. Sensing her confusion, as we were strangers to each other, I grappled with the dilemma of what to say or do next. Despite my legs trembling with nerves, I resolved to take the initiative as a gentleman. As I approached her, my mouth opened, but my mind failed to conjure any coherent words, leaving me chuckling awkwardly, feeling utterly foolish. To my relief, she responded with a giggle and a gentle direction, "This way." Her voice, reminiscent of what I could only imagine as angelic, stirred something within me, captivating my senses.

I followed her lead, grateful for the towel she offered to dry myself off. She led me to my friend's room, where I found him momentarily present before he had to depart downstairs for an errand, leaving me in his company. As we waited for his return, the enchanting woman remained with me, offering her companionship. Through our conversation, I learned that she was, in fact, my friend's older sister—a delightful surprise. In those moments, I found myself silently pleading for my friend's delay, relishing the opportunity to continue our exchange.

It was during our conversation that I discovered her passions—she was an avid reader, a dedicated teacher, and harbored a deep affection for children. Her demeanor was consistently warm, her smile a constant presence. While some may dispute the notion of love at first sight, what I experienced felt undeniably akin to an instant connection, perhaps even a crush at first sight.

Regardless of classification, I couldn't deny the rapid acceleration of my heartbeat, the slight tremble in my hands, or the sudden loss for words that overcame me in her presence. Such feelings hadn't stirred within me since 1969. And so, without hesitation, I embraced the notion of harboring affections for this remarkable, captivating woman.

Since my friend couldnot come back (what are the chances, right?), with all the courage in me, I said “Do you wanna grab a cup of coffee someday?”, she was, I could tell, a lil bit shocked, and she nodded her head..

“Why not?

“ahh.. mm.. thanks” (what the fudge did I just say)

“like.. when?”

“I don’t know, whenever you want, maybe now?” (whenever you want followed by maybe now, I hate myself)

“Now? What about ben?”

“Oh ben, lemme give him a call” ( yes I know, I totally forgot about him, what a good friend am I)

Ben returned, apologizing profusely for leaving me with a stranger due to his spat with his girlfriend. Assuring him that there was no rush and that I was actually enjoying the company of "the stranger," he sounded visibly relieved, continuing to apologize. Little did he know, I was having the time of my life.

So, that evening marked the beginning of my journey with this beautiful woman. Despite what my friends said about it being just a crush, I didn't concern myself with the future. What mattered was the present—she made me happy, I liked her, and (hoping) she liked me. That was all that mattered.

Reflecting as I write this, I realize that life is full of ups and downs. Mistakes happen, and challenges arise, but it's human nature to fight back. Sometimes, the best course of action is simply to wait. When one door of happiness closes, another one opens.

Cheers to embracing the present moment and seizing the happiness it brings.

That fateful Night..Destined to meet or Love

"Back off, back off!" one of my friends screamed, and a sudden hush fell over the room as the power supply abruptly vanished. I watched as my computer screen displayed the dreaded word "disconnected." Since the backup battery on my UPS was far from reliable, I had no choice but to turn off my computer. Such is the nature of our Dota 2 sessions—filled with screams, laughter, shouts, and the occasional curse. 😊 Glancing at my watch, I noted that it was a quarter past five in the evening. Grabbing my phone, I checked for missed calls and messages, aware that it had been ringing several times during our gaming session. True enough, I discovered a missed call from an unknown number. Curiosity piqued, I used Truecaller to identify the caller, only to find a name that meant nothing to me.

As I placed my phone back on the table, a memory from a couple of nights ago suddenly resurfaced. It had been quite an eventful evening, to say the least. Let me start from the beginning: I reluctantly attended a party that a friend had been inviting me to for quite some time. The gathering was actually a formal pre-wedding party. Now, I must admit that parties aren't really my thing, and I hardly knew anyone in attendance. In fact, my acquaintance with the person who invited me was mostly limited to our Dota 2 sessions. We had spent countless hours playing and screaming together, but we had only met face-to-face a couple of times. Despite my reservations, I thought, "What the hell," and dressed up for the occasion.

Upon arriving at the venue, I was greeted by a bustling crowd and security guards in uniform managing a guest list. I stepped forward and asked them to check if my name was on the list. To my embarrassment, they couldn't find it. But then, an idea struck me, and I requested that they search for my Dota 2 nickname. Surprisingly, that's when they recognized me—the person who had invited me didn't even know my real name.

I entered the party, the music blaring and people dancing on the floor. I scanned the room, searching for my friend, but he was nowhere to be found. Feeling out of place, I retreated to a corner. The strange thing was that I didn't recognize a single face in the crowd. Now, don't get me wrong—I know a lot of people in this city. So, if I say it was weird, trust me, it was weird. As I pondered this, a thought crossed my mind: "I'm getting old." Spotting a mini bar nearby, I approached it not to grab a drink but to inquire about my friend's whereabouts. Unfortunately, the responses I received were vague: he was here, he was there—I couldn't get a clear answer. Disappointed, I stood in the corner, leaning against the wall with my phone in hand. I attempted to make a call, but the reception was abysmal. Frustrated, I came up with the brilliant idea of taking a few photos to prove I had been there and then promptly leaving that godforsaken place. Just as I was setting up my phone for a secret selfie, something caught my eye.

I caught sight of a mesmerizing figure, yet strangely, no one else seemed to notice her presence. She was truly captivating, adorned in a garment that exuded elegance reminiscent of renowned designers like Alexander McQueen and Calvin Klein. Her eyes gleamed with an indescribable radiance, a sight that left me in awe. I recalled the old saying to avoid direct eye contact with mysterious beings, but I couldn't resist gazing into her enchanting eyes. In that moment, her beguiling smile transported me to an ethereal realm, like ascending through heavenly layers, although I can't claim to know the exact composition of heaven. Lost in her presence, I found myself unable to utter a word, grateful that my jaw didn't betray my awe. "Bride's or groom's?" she inquired, prompting me to check behind me to ensure she was addressing me and not someone else. Indeed, she was speaking to me. With a stuttering voice, I managed to reply, "Gr-groom's." We engaged in conversation, and I shared the story of how I ended up at the party. When I mentioned that I knew my friend through Dota2, she laughed, quoting the familiar phrase, "boys never grow up."

Given the deafening music, I asked her, "Do you dance?" She shook her head and responded, "I don't really dance or attend parties. When I saw you, you didn't seem to be enjoying yourself either, which is why I approached you." It was true; everyone else was immersed in dancing or singing, clutching glasses in their hands. Slowly, we made our way outside the hall, finding a spot to rest our tired legs. Numerous thoughts raced through my mind. Honestly, I wasn't actively seeking a relationship, as a series of events in my recent past had left me guarded, concealing my dreams and aspirations. I feared that if I opened my heart again, I would be vulnerable to the same pain. The void that ensnared me felt insurmountable. Even when I engaged in casual conversations with other women, the weight of my emotional baggage seemed too burdensome, causing me to let them go rather than burden them. Yet, in that very moment, I realized that I couldn't care less about that baggage.

Outside, the biting cold wind whipped around us, and I couldn't help but recall the countless times I had witnessed such scenes in movies—the classic move of offering her my jacket. Let me tell you, it proved to be a terrible idea; it was freezing. However, not a single ounce of regret crossed my mind. Almost effortlessly, our hands found each other's, and in that simple gesture, a profound connection formed. As we stood there, she confided in me, revealing that she, too, carried a weighty burden—the haunting remnants of past mistakes. Her words gripped my attention, for they echoed the thoughts I longed to share about my own missteps. I could truly empathize with her, and as a result, I refrained from imposing any pressure. We exchanged only our names, deliberately omitting addresses and phone numbers. "Perhaps it's best to leave things as they are and let fate decide," I suggested, and her radiant smile conveyed agreement. We made a pact not to delve deeper into each other's lives, trusting that if the universe intended for us to reunite, it would guide us back together.

A momentary silence settled over us, tinged with a hint of awkwardness. Just then, my friend, who had invited me to the party, finally located me and expressed his relief at finding me. I noticed that he and the beautiful lady were unfamiliar with each other, so I took the opportunity to introduce them. The enchanting lady, realizing it was time to depart, I offered to accompany her to her vehicle, she declined, stating, "No, if we leave it to the universe, you won't know my vehicle's number." With that, we bid our farewells, and she rode away. My curious friend inquired about the encounter, but I simply informed him that it was a long story.

After returning home, my thoughts were consumed by her. I even approached most of the people at the party, recounting every detail I could remember, yet nobody seemed to recognize her. All I had was limited information—her name, the color of her dress, and the knowledge that she rides. Would I ever cross paths with her again? What lay ahead in this unpredictable world? Determined to remain calm, I resolved to let the universe unfold its plans for me.